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Monthly Archives: July 2013

tattoos – too much nowadays?

Last week, the husband and I ate breakfast at a local restaurant. Our waitress was a young girl who had tattoo markings all over her body – not exactly inviting for an eating establishment, but the food was decent enough and I wouldn’t begrudge anyone the opportunity to make an honest day’s pay.

Working alongside her was another waitress who appeared to be slightly older and tattoo laden as well. As husband stared at our waitress, he shook his head and said, “Why don’t you blog about this?”

“And say what?”

“Like why they want to do their bodies like that.”

I shrugged and thought, “Okay, why not?”

So, here’s my opine.

The art of tattooing is no longer special or relevant. I remember when I was a kid, to see someone with a tattoo was a rare and exciting thing, and I definitely don’t recall women showcasing permanent art work – maybe it was discreetly hidden, I don’t know. But, don’t get me wrong, I’m not putting down all who has writings on their bodies – heck, I even have a “toy tattoo” myself. “Toy” because my niece who is also a tattoo junkie, labeled my tat as such because it’s small and childlike, and didn’t take over an entire body part.

On my right shoulder are two small hearts with falling tear drops. I would have gotten the tat on my left arm, but it would have covered the vaccination mark I proudly display. Folks of a certain age, I’m sure, can appreciate that sentiment; however, I digress (I do that often) – my mom died in ’93 and the tat is dedicated to her memory.

But getting back to tats – I believe it’s more of a fad nowadays because everybody and their mommas have ’em! And you all know it’s true. They’re your neighbors, co-workers, school kids, the person sitting next to you and standing above you on public transportation; and even the driver himself and the person who delivers your pizza! Aside from us regular tattoo-having Joes, there are those who are so covered that their skin looks burned and unnatural – or how ’bout this – nightmarishly ugly! You know you’ve seen a few yourself that completely grossed you out. And how about folks with tattoos all over their bodies – you know the ones completely covered from neck to ankles? Yeah, they confuse my brain – throw me in a state of confusion because the skin they’re in don’t match the clothes they wear!

My kid asked a couple of years ago if she could get a tattoo when she got older. “Absolutely not,” I said and I meant it. “Have a clear body; don’t be like everyone else.” I’ll never forget when she told me the number of her classmates who had tattoos. “What?!” Unbelievable. At the time, we were talking 12 & 13 year olds! I explained how I disagreed with parents who allowed kids that young to be branded. How could you even justify that? Me shrugging with a confused look on my face.

Then there’s the infamous “Tramp Stamp” – that lovely butterfly or symbol no one understands – stamped on the lower back for viewing pleasure as you’re (say slowly) get-tin’ it from behind….

It would be refreshing to see the next generation tattoo-free or at least not have the art work on display for all to see. Please believe that people judge by what’s seen on the outside. You can have your tats, but unless you’re going into business for yourself, a potential employer does not need to witness all your markings.

So, I have these questions for you: How harshly do you judge people who have tattoos and would you hire someone whose body is covered to the point of not recognizing their original skin?

Food for thought, folks….


men and their penis(es)

Shame on your dirty little minds!

This is not about anything x-rated or how much you like or dislike them.

I’m an observer by nature. I people watch – could do it all day long, and have been doing so for as long as I can remember. I can watch different behaviors without saying a word – even when an action takes place right before my face.

Men, in particular, fascinate me – especially when they have to go to the bathroom. They’re like animals – don’t give a crap about where they go or the size of their audience. This is based on the next three scenarios.

On my way home from work today, I drove by an area covered with overgrown bushes that were tall enough to hide a full grown man. The stretch of road I was on was long enough for me to witness a fella go into the bushes, whip out his manly tool and relieve himself. Now, shouldn’t he have been afraid that something might jump up and bite it? Or at the very least, buzz around and sting it? Didn’t he think about all those scary movies I’ve seen?

Another time I was driving along, stopped at a red light. I see a family friend who, nonchalantly, pull out tool time, lean against the building like he was holding it up from falling, and just let it rip! Right there on a busy public transportation street. Mind you, he only lived a few blocks from where he was. I stared at him, daring him to look my way, while waiting for the light to change. How could he do that in his own hood in front of everybody? Chances were he knew just about everyone who drove by or happened to be on the trolley.

Fellas, be careful who you shake hands with.

A week ago, it was pouring down raining and I was parked on a busy street waiting on a friend to use an ATM. Buses were going in opposite directions on this busy street – businesses still open, and folks going to and fro about their business. As my friend was standing at the ATM, a guy was just standing around positioned between parked cars. Next thing you know, he undid his pants and let his thang out like a snake in the grass! “Oh, no he didn’t!” This man had no umbrella and did not care who saw him. He stood between the parked cars, facing traffic AND me – just dangling! He paid no attention to anyone while he let himself rain along with the rain that came from God’s sky. I’m looking around to see the reaction of everyone else and nobody seemed to notice. I guess they were too busy trying to get out of the rain. Me, I was stationary in the car looking at his trifling ass. And yes, I looked, watched and waited for him to make eye contact. He didn’t. Would I have said something – probably. That would have depended on how much rain I was willing to let in my ride. After he finished, he re-zipped and went on about his business. Doink!

How do you just whip out your wood – and he didn’t even bother to hold it (lol)! Like, “Here I am world, look at this!” And everybody ain’t crazy so don’t even try that line. Even though these guys went in public – does it embarrass them even a little? Is it humiliating? What?! And what about the droplet stains? I throw up my hands and shrug.

But, I’m still curious. I can understand going in a semi-private corner and showing a little humility like you know it ain’t right, but you just had to go. I can tolerate that. But the last guy – how do you even explain him?

We women can’t do that. We’d just as soon pee ourselves before we squat in public, moistening our legs and damaging our shoes, clothes and hosiery all because our aim ain’t quite right.

Get it together fellas – do it for me because I really don’t need to see you pee!

I need to exercise … but God I don’t want to!

“If you want your heart to take care of you, you better take care of it,” says the mind to the body.

“I do, but I don’t feel like it,” says the body to the mind.

One friend suggested I “put on music and dance.”

Okay, considered.

The kid and I used to dance and sweat to M.J.’s “Thriller” quite a bit. I know the steps, but that long routine will tire thee hell out of you – think I’m kidding, try it yourself. The kid outlasted me every time. But know this, “Thriller” will give you a serious workout. How Michael did it without breaking a sweat … shaking my head at his energy.

“Stretching is a good place to start,” suggests my flexible yoga friend.

Years ago, I bought a yoga DVD for inflexible people – hurt my little body so much I never used it again.

“Just start walking,” says one who runs marathons.

Don’t wanna do that either. Thanks a lot sciatic pain.

Another apologized for not being able to help; said she’s lazy by nature and was looking for cake.

I chuckle. I want cookies.

I have another friend who does over a hundred jumping jacks every night. She’s high on vitamins.

My friends are essentially saving their lives. I want the same for mine. It’s encouraging to know their routines and that they’re working it out, but not encouraging enough – I’m just not motivated (hate exercising).

I went to one Zumba class with my church sisters and vowed to NEVER return! Zumba is nuts; clearly for the insane! Who came up with the crazy notion to dance for over an hour straight to R&B, hip hop, Latino and reggae music – who?! It’s just abnormal and insane. You can’t hear me, but I’m laughing out loud.

Speaking of insanity – I can watch the heck out of those Insanity infomercials and work out vicariously that way.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried gym memberships over the years only to throw away money. Remember Elaine Powers? That’s how far back I’m talking (lol); some of you have never even heard that name before, which I find kind of funny. I’ve also bought workout equipment only for it to collect dust or be used as coat racks. I have two sets of weights that I occasionally use; didn’t see any definition in my arms so I stopped. I gave away a treadmill. My dusty stepper is currently being used to keep the cat from purposely tipping over his water bowl! But, I am not giving up – just need a plan for stiff and lazy beginners.

You know, a lot of women (maybe not you) would love to have BeyoncĂ©’s body. Me, I’d just want her lower lumbar … well, I can dream, can’t I?

Sike, I don’t really want it, Jesus, but I’m just sayin’.

51 with braces

I’m seriously considering getting braces.

I say that with a bit of trepidation for the following reasons: braces will eventually close the sentimental gap between my front teeth – the gap I’ve come to embrace, love, and more importantly, remind me of my mother’s gapped-tooth smile before dentures.

But, I don’t want my gap closed. It’s the characteristic I love most about my face, my smile.

Why braces now, you ask?

Reason #1: I am becoming increasingly dissatisfied with the other gaps in my mouth. My teeth are doing something I can’t explain. Ah, maybe they are, maybe not – could be they’re just getting older like the rest of me. I can’t say they’re shifting and I can’t say for sure the other gaps are getting bigger, but when I examine my teeth closely – and I mean thisclose to the mirror, I notice a difference. I wonder if an orthodontist would put braces on the top row of either side of the gap from left to left and right to right without touching my center teeth… I would look like a fool, right?

Reason #2: Retirement! If I retire at age 55, so does my dental coverage, which means I gotta get it in before then. Let’s say, I have to wear braces for the next two years. I don’t have problem teeth; they only need to be pushed back and gaps (top and bottom) closed. It’ll probably take me those two years to pay my portion of the bill – at least that’s how it was for the kid’s braces.

Speaking of the kid, she asked, “Why do you want braces at your age?”

I immediately took offense. “You think I’m too old for braces? You think you’re the only one who can have a beautiful smile?”

She was like, “No, but you’re gonna be 61 by the time you finish wearing your retainer…”

Why’d she give me eight years to wear a retainer?

As I explained to her in my other blog, “Conversation with my kid…explaining that awkward stage,” there is something that folks in their 40’s & 50’s would like to change about themselves, and that includes me as well. You’re never too aged to improve upon yourself – another teachable lesson for the kid.

My mom had this saying back in the day that I used to question only because I was too young to understand. She’d frequently say, “If I live and nothing happens…” then she’d add whatever she needed to add. I now get it that time is not always on our side.

Well, this is my saying, “If I live and nothing happens, I’m gonna get me some braces!”

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