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men and their penis(es)

Shame on your dirty little minds!

This is not about anything x-rated or how much you like or dislike them.

I’m an observer by nature. I people watch – could do it all day long, and have been doing so for as long as I can remember. I can watch different behaviors without saying a word – even when an action takes place right before my face.

Men, in particular, fascinate me – especially when they have to go to the bathroom. They’re like animals – don’t give a crap about where they go or the size of their audience. This is based on the next three scenarios.

On my way home from work today, I drove by an area covered with overgrown bushes that were tall enough to hide a full grown man. The stretch of road I was on was long enough for me to witness a fella go into the bushes, whip out his manly tool and relieve himself. Now, shouldn’t he have been afraid that something might jump up and bite it? Or at the very least, buzz around and sting it? Didn’t he think about all those scary movies I’ve seen?

Another time I was driving along, stopped at a red light. I see a family friend who, nonchalantly, pull out tool time, lean against the building like he was holding it up from falling, and just let it rip! Right there on a busy public transportation street. Mind you, he only lived a few blocks from where he was. I stared at him, daring him to look my way, while waiting for the light to change. How could he do that in his own hood in front of everybody? Chances were he knew just about everyone who drove by or happened to be on the trolley.

Fellas, be careful who you shake hands with.

A week ago, it was pouring down raining and I was parked on a busy street waiting on a friend to use an ATM. Buses were going in opposite directions on this busy street – businesses still open, and folks going to and fro about their business. As my friend was standing at the ATM, a guy was just standing around positioned between parked cars. Next thing you know, he undid his pants and let his thang out like a snake in the grass! “Oh, no he didn’t!” This man had no umbrella and did not care who saw him. He stood between the parked cars, facing traffic AND me – just dangling! He paid no attention to anyone while he let himself rain along with the rain that came from God’s sky. I’m looking around to see the reaction of everyone else and nobody seemed to notice. I guess they were too busy trying to get out of the rain. Me, I was stationary in the car looking at his trifling ass. And yes, I looked, watched and waited for him to make eye contact. He didn’t. Would I have said something – probably. That would have depended on how much rain I was willing to let in my ride. After he finished, he re-zipped and went on about his business. Doink!

How do you just whip out your wood – and he didn’t even bother to hold it (lol)! Like, “Here I am world, look at this!” And everybody ain’t crazy so don’t even try that line. Even though these guys went in public – does it embarrass them even a little? Is it humiliating? What?! And what about the droplet stains? I throw up my hands and shrug.

But, I’m still curious. I can understand going in a semi-private corner and showing a little humility like you know it ain’t right, but you just had to go. I can tolerate that. But the last guy – how do you even explain him?

We women can’t do that. We’d just as soon pee ourselves before we squat in public, moistening our legs and damaging our shoes, clothes and hosiery all because our aim ain’t quite right.

Get it together fellas – do it for me because I really don’t need to see you pee!