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Tag Archives: Men

men and their penis(es)

Shame on your dirty little minds!

This is not about anything x-rated or how much you like or dislike them.

I’m an observer by nature. I people watch – could do it all day long, and have been doing so for as long as I can remember. I can watch different behaviors without saying a word – even when an action takes place right before my face.

Men, in particular, fascinate me – especially when they have to go to the bathroom. They’re like animals – don’t give a crap about where they go or the size of their audience. This is based on the next three scenarios.

On my way home from work today, I drove by an area covered with overgrown bushes that were tall enough to hide a full grown man. The stretch of road I was on was long enough for me to witness a fella go into the bushes, whip out his manly tool and relieve himself. Now, shouldn’t he have been afraid that something might jump up and bite it? Or at the very least, buzz around and sting it? Didn’t he think about all those scary movies I’ve seen?

Another time I was driving along, stopped at a red light. I see a family friend who, nonchalantly, pull out tool time, lean against the building like he was holding it up from falling, and just let it rip! Right there on a busy public transportation street. Mind you, he only lived a few blocks from where he was. I stared at him, daring him to look my way, while waiting for the light to change. How could he do that in his own hood in front of everybody? Chances were he knew just about everyone who drove by or happened to be on the trolley.

Fellas, be careful who you shake hands with.

A week ago, it was pouring down raining and I was parked on a busy street waiting on a friend to use an ATM. Buses were going in opposite directions on this busy street – businesses still open, and folks going to and fro about their business. As my friend was standing at the ATM, a guy was just standing around positioned between parked cars. Next thing you know, he undid his pants and let his thang out like a snake in the grass! “Oh, no he didn’t!” This man had no umbrella and did not care who saw him. He stood between the parked cars, facing traffic AND me – just dangling! He paid no attention to anyone while he let himself rain along with the rain that came from God’s sky. I’m looking around to see the reaction of everyone else and nobody seemed to notice. I guess they were too busy trying to get out of the rain. Me, I was stationary in the car looking at his trifling ass. And yes, I looked, watched and waited for him to make eye contact. He didn’t. Would I have said something – probably. That would have depended on how much rain I was willing to let in my ride. After he finished, he re-zipped and went on about his business. Doink!

How do you just whip out your wood – and he didn’t even bother to hold it (lol)! Like, “Here I am world, look at this!” And everybody ain’t crazy so don’t even try that line. Even though these guys went in public – does it embarrass them even a little? Is it humiliating? What?! And what about the droplet stains? I throw up my hands and shrug.

But, I’m still curious. I can understand going in a semi-private corner and showing a little humility like you know it ain’t right, but you just had to go. I can tolerate that. But the last guy – how do you even explain him?

We women can’t do that. We’d just as soon pee ourselves before we squat in public, moistening our legs and damaging our shoes, clothes and hosiery all because our aim ain’t quite right.

Get it together fellas – do it for me because I really don’t need to see you pee!

A Simple Father’s Day Purchase

Friday, I was in a card store buying Father’s Day cards along with a special card for my kid for her upcoming graduation, and a “just because card” because I’m so proud of her.

As my items were being totaled, the young guy behind the counter noticed my Father’s Day cards and used that as a conversation starter. He began talking about how fathers were unappreciated and how they sold “way more cards on Mother’s Day.” I engaged him in conversation thinking it would be a short one while making eye contact with the lady behind me. I chuckled and said, “Yeah, you guys are cheated on Father’s Day.” Apparently, he wanted – no, let me change that – NEEDED to vent. He started talking about how he does what he needs to do as a father for all his kids (can’t recall how many, but more than 2) and how he’s tired of the corny gifts that doesn’t take much thought, and how (he got hyped here) he would like a phone call every now and then instead of when something is needed (he blamed the mother(s) for that). I nodded in agreement saying, “I understand, that’s fair enough.” I looked to the lady behind me for a little support and she was like, “Don’t look at me, I ain’t saying nothing!” And she didn’t; just stared at the ornaments on the counter, leaving me to make the young fella feel better.

At that point, I’m thinking to myself that I should have gone elsewhere because he had gotten a little too talkative, but then I was like, “No, maybe God wanted to place me where I needed to be placed.” As I’m thinking that thought, he was still going on, like something you see on television where someone’s mind is wandering but the other person is still rapidly talking…yeah, it was like that.

He told me he was an artist. I said, “Oh, there are a lot of things you can get as an artist.” I named a few things, which excited him even more. He was like, “Yeah, see even you get it!” He continued and at that point, the conversation went on longer than it should have. I picked up a last minute item (you know how they strategically place things near the register to get your last pennies), an ink pen and added it to my order – little did I know the pen’s caption read, “#1 Grand Pop” when I just knew it read “#1 Father.” See what distractions will do to you?

I told the young man that perhaps things would get better, “And if no one else tells you, you have a Happy Father’s Day!” By then items were in my bag, my time was up, and he had a smile on his face! “My work is done,” I said under my breath while rushing out of the store and looking back to the lady who was next in line. “Your turn now,” I thought to myself.

So, I said all of that to say, Happy Father’s Day to all the men (uncles, stepdads, surrogates, & whoever) who are being real fathers! And a special Father’s Day shout out to all the men who feel underappreciated – just like the clerk in the card store.