I have interesting conversations with my kid all the time.
I’ll never forget one in particular when she was 5 yrs. old. We were watching a TV movie about a super hero dude who happened to have long hair.
Out of nowhere she says, “He looks gay.”
Doink! “What does ‘gay’ mean to you?”
“When a boy likes a boy.”
Present day. She recently did a school project on Same Sex Marriage (got a 95 – at least that’s what she told me) and asked my opinion on the subject.
“I come from a different era than you,” I started. “When I was growing up, I don’t recall seeing same sex partners. On our block just about every household had heterosexual parents – that’s what I grew up with and that’s what I knew – bam, normal!”
While giving my response, I was thinking really hard on whether I had actually seen and recognized gay couples back then. I couldn’t come up with anything. I searched my brain for neighborhood folks (is that word already plural sans the s? Can never decide), classmates and their families, relatives – nothing involving same sex couples. Maybe one of my siblings can jog my memory or maybe there just isn’t a situation to recall. I even mentioned to the kid that folks were not so open with being gay then – “it was like taboo or something.” Then she wanted to know what “taboo” meant (I sighed). But to bring it back home, I let the kid know that I have never been around a same sex couple who lived together. Gosh, this is really trippin’ me out (I’m jogging my own memory) because I remember now that there were two older women on our block who lived in the same house – but they were “sisters” – at least that’s what everybody said….
Even now I am not closely related to a same sex couple at all; sure I know of some but not on a personal level. However, I do have gay family members near and far, and if they decided to take that step toward marriage, I’d be right there to celebrate with no ill feelings, but (and I strongly emphasize the word) I still believe a man should be married to a woman and a woman to a man. My kid asked if that was being racist – I told her it’s not racist – “might be sexist, but not racist.” I told her I would never disrespect a gay couple and even went into my work relationships with gay people. I worked with a female who married another female. She referred to her spouse the same way my husband referred to me – “my wife.” I’ve never treated her differently because of who she was married to… “however, I still stick to my opinion though.”
And don’t get me wrong folks, I know this is a controversial topic – I even thought twice about blogging on it, but I believe it’s worth the blog. I’m constantly learning about life (on many subjects) through the vision of a 15 yr. old in today’s screwed up society – she keeps me fresh and makes me delve deep into my thoughts, beliefs, and how much I really know (or don’t know) about life. Like I explained to her, “your generation have no boundaries – anything goes (figured I’d explain hedonism for another conversation). I told her, “Heck, even the solar system has boundaries” – no collisions involving planet Earth. “You guys want to try and experiment with anything and you do anything.” I’ve never seen so many “gay” and “bi-sexual” teenagers in my life! That’s not being judgmental, it’s a factual observation.
She even told me she got into a debate with a male classmate who had opposite views on same sex marriage – said she got a little heated, and I told her that’s a great debate subject, “but you can’t get upset when someone has different views than yours.”
Then she drops this on me, “How would you feel if I brought home a girlfriend?”
“What do you mean – like a girl who’s a friend or a girlfriend?” I knew what she meant, I just needed a lil’ response time. “I’d accept it because I love you.” Shrugging my shoulders, what else would I say? She’s my kid.
Then she says, “What if I dated someone other than Black?”
Who was talking about that?
“As long as they or their family and friends don’t call you ‘nigger’ I’m cool.” Real talk, y’all – told her I was serious. “Don’t let nobody you’re dating call you that – even in jest.”
So, there you have it folks – her opine versus mine. The conversation was actually a lot more detailed, but I’d be writing all night if I included everything. She feels very strongly that gay couples deserves to be happy and adopt kids the same as heterosexuals. I applaud her strong beliefs; however, she has to keep in mind that people can have opposing opinions as long as respect remains intact. I will never make her feel as though she has to share my beliefs or agree with me on every subject just because I’m her mother; however, on this subject we respectfully agreed to disagree.
Where do you fit in this debate?
I support gay couples getting married. Why is it any different then a women and a man falling in love with one another. Why is that a problem? One day u might meet a friend of your who is the same sex. Love comes in different ways and is very hard to find. I think when u find true love not just feeling you have to go for it. My cousin is gay and right know he dating I never seen him this happy with any of his partners he dated. I wish him the best. Sometimes it might be easier to relate to the same sex partner when your in a realtionship. At the end of the day I still keep my man but I am never against falling in love with a person that’s same sex.
Hi Muriel! I smiled when I saw your response – I’m glad my topics spark enough interest for folks to respond. I agree with you that all people should be happy and I hear the passion in your words. That same cousin you’re speaking about is the same person I spoke to about this very subject. Thanks for opening up to give your feedback – love you – but I still feel the way I do. 🙂
Well first and foremost, we were created in the image of God and with that image comes responsibilities. HE gives us free-will and with that free-will we can make choices that either line up with HIS will or HE gives us over to our reprobate mind. Sadly to say, we are living in a modern-day “Babylon”. With the tats, same sex indulgence and fornication that is going on among our young people, it is truly the work of the enemy, the devil.
Well written, Glenda. I respect everyone’s views and I appreciate yours. It would be refreshing to see kids more occupied with academics, sports, and other things positive that’ll enhance their futures.
Tillie i so enjoy the topics u choose to share with us especially the convos u have with ur daughter ,who us turning out to be a very mature younglady.Now i can recall growning up around gay nd bi ppl who were friends of mine nd some were my mother”s.One of my dad”s best friends was openly gay,he actually looked liked Chubby Checker lol Anywoo i personallly dont have an issue with homosexuality but yes stand by my beliefs that God created man nd woman as mates.So with that bein said i think its more of a moral issue between them nd God,its not my place to judge.I wish every1 happiness no matter who their significant other is.
I hear you, Angel. I wish happiness for everyone too. It’s interesting to read feedback from everyone. I’m glad you enjoy reading what I write, girl – I try to keep it real and entertain at the same time. Continue to read on! 🙂
Tillie, Good Morning, I love to read your blog. You keep it real… entertaining yet thought provoking.You and your “baby” remind me so much of my daughter [now 24…where has the time gone], and me. Keep the dialogue open. You and she will be the better for it. Now.. I, like you, believe that marriage is ordained by God as the union between a man and a woman.I also know that love is the character of God so I pray that I am not a “basher” but a “blesser” by sharing His light and His love.
Hi Sims! You are not coming across like a “basher.” You guys are mature enough to respond respectfully and that’s what you did. By the way, I really enjoyed you at your trial sermon! You go, girl – let me know when you’re spreading the word again – love to be there. 🙂
I don’t remember directly having this, or similar, conversation/s with my 2 children (now ages 31 and 24).
As far a hetero/homo-gender relationships, I’m tolerant and accepting as long as it doesn’t involve me personally. For me, there is no biblical-religious-social impetus for me to be judgemental about how others conduct their lives. I think my children understand my liberal views in that area.
The expropriation of the word ‘gay’ and the rainbow IS a sore point with me though.
First off, I had to look up “expropriation” before responding (lol) so thank you, and I still don’t know how to respond! You got me stumped, Leon! However, I do understand your liberal views and they seem fair enough to me. Thanks for your comments. 🙂
Wow Tillie! How ironic that two friends of mine just got married this past Tuesday! One of them I knew just about all my life. She was even married once and has children. I respect them both and love them both but I like you belive a man was made for a woman and vice versa. I will celebrate with them tomorrow and wish them happiness. Again I like you … If one of my children came home and announced they were gay I would have to accept it because I love them! But do not agree with it. Can I tell you when I was growing up gay meant happy! 🙂
The one thing I needed to mention that children have soooooo much more to deal with then when I was growing up!
So true, Z! Yes, I’m learning from her how different being a teenager is nowadays – they have that HUGE monster called “social media” to deal with! And yes, gay meant happy! Thanks for your response! 🙂