First, I must say that blogging is really interesting. I now have international followers! With that in mind, I must say this – I will now include “players” at the beginning of each blog (if necessary) for those unfamiliar with me and mine.
Players: Nirvana, my 14 year old daughter. Wayne, my husband and Nirvana’s father.
Conversations between Nirvana and I are at best interesting and honest. I try to and hopefully succeed at teaching, preachin’, praying, training, informing, bothering, annoying, and learning as well. I always let her know I can learn from her, “because I don’t know everything and need to hear” her 14 year old’s perspective. She thinks her mother is so smart and sometimes, heck, I think I am too. There are subjects I’m not as familiar with (but try to answer anyway) and if they come to mind before I finish this post, I’ll mention ’em. At times when I’m uncertain or don’t know how to initially respond to a situation, I honestly tell her, “I don’t know that one, babe,” or “let me think about it for a minute,” which she’ll find hard to believe.
For me, it could be the time of day that makes the difference between knowing and not knowing. If it’s in the A.M. before brushing my teeth, I really don’t know because I’m not ready to part my sticky mouth. If it’s during my Young & the Restless time, I may not know then, and she’ll say, “But it’s on DVR, Mom!” I shrug and realize, she’s right. I turn it off and we talk (Wayne would ab-so-lute-ly cringe and shake his head if he knew how real our talks were). Because she and I converse daily like we’re on a talk show, the few times I just mentioned about my ignorance is nothing compared to how often we get it in.
This particular topic came up when I showed her a photo of us from five years ago (if I knew how to add photos in a blog, I would have done so; someone let me know if I can). At that time she was going through her awkward stage where she didn’t like the hairstyle I forced upon her (I thought the afro puffs were cute and ethnic – oh, well), her weight, how she looked in her clothes, blah, blah, blah. But she only feels that way about her former self because she’s now a lovely swan and can’t appreciate the awkwardness she had to go through to get where she is now. Teenagers!
I spilled my guts by defending the hair style and that the clothes were age appropriate as was that nine year old chubbiness. She’d prefer I get rid of all awkward stage photos – told her she could forget that; not gonna do it! So, to make her feel better, I then explained that I too, have gone through awkward stages. As a matter of fact I was going through one on the day of conversation – told her I still have days where I may not like my look (maybe I should update my wardrobe). Don’t get me wrong, I’m still cute though, but I have to be honest with my kid to let her know it’s okay and normal to not feel or look your best. I told her, “You’re just looking at a photo from years ago and last week I felt that way about myself, and again today.” I stated it matter-of-factly; not like I was obsessed with gloom about it. I explained that no matter how old you get, it never ends and it’s all in how we handle it. There will always be a prettier, smarter, slimmer or thicker, version of you who will do better, have longer hair/weave, dress nicely, travels – the list goes on. You’ll wonder why someone else’s life seems better than yours when they could be the scum of the earth. Little does she know that some folks have it so bad, they NEVER get out of that mode – hence depression, but I wasn’t going into all of that. But on the real, isn’t there something about all of us that we would change if we could? You’ll see my list coming up next.
She had brought up the subject and was going to get an earful (sometimes she regrets starting a conversation or asking a question). I did mention – because I think it’s worth it – that some women are not satisfied with the way they look even in their 40’s & 50’s (yeah, I know it’s in each decade, but I tried to simplify. She thinks that older folks should have their ish together). Some are still consumed or concerned with how much better someone else looks – “even ya mother!” Sure, I told her I’d love to have a more curvaceous butt, a back that doesn’t hurt, boobs that are more in the direction of north than south, and able to do things with my body that I can ONLY dream of (can you say contortionist? Wayne would be a happier man!). She’s not surprised by my admission because she’s heard me say it all before and I’m fine with it. I told her it’s okay to admire another female because there’s something that someone admires in her.
Bottom line is even though she understands that everyone has gone through and may still be going through their own form of awkwardness – she still wants those pictures burned!
writing is my thang 
Oh how I relate to this post having raised three daughters and suffering thru their awkward years. Also trying to relieve their woos about their looks and striving to help them to develop characteristics that outlast the physical!
What is interesting about this post is re-living my own awkward years. Oh I thought I was sooo ugly…well maybe not ugly but unattractive & “fat” most days. And often that is how I feel at this age.((lol)
Thank God others see the beauty that you never really see in yourself!
Ironically,when I look back at some of my old photos… I am amazed to see a beautiful women I do not recognize! When I look at my beautiful daughters, I see myself in all of them. They say “youth is wasted on the young” I really understand that statement today!
Now I regret that I did not embrace that beauty then (lol). but I also realize that beauty is not all about looks. How we carry ourselves, with grace, compassion, selflessness, humbleness, morality, and love for God, and humanity is what really enhance the physical!
Thank God Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder!
Delica, I can’t image going through three girls and all their awkward stage drama! You are so right when you say “others see the beauty that you never really see in yourself!” That’s what I explained to Nirvana but the only thing she saw was that she didn’t like what she saw. And we’ve all gone through that stage… and still are. But we are older, more mature, and wiser. All’s not lost – we can pass that wisdom on, girl!
I love that you and Nirvana have such a tight relationship. That’s a blessing! And tell her to be happy her awkward stage was so short… some folks take decades to get out of theirs!
On another note, yes, you can add pics to your blog. Just depends on the template/theme you’re using.
Aw, thank you, Practical Chick! I love that girl but I think it’s going to take her a lit-tle longer to embrace that stage because she can’t stand looking at “those” pictures. And I did figure out how to add a pic – thank you.
That is so true Tillie, I am still going thru ackward stages myself. Right now I’m 44 and my face continues to break out, ugh too old for acne, so I thought, lol. And for me its looking at pictures back when I didn’t have my leftover baby gut, too get rid of that would be a prize.
Thanks, Syl, for proving the point to my kid – she thinks we should have our stuff together! She’ll learn….
Hi Tillie,
I actually finished what you wrote:) That’s a good thing! It captured my attention from beginning to end! I can relate all so well. I really thought I was writing this. LOL I went through the same thing with my daughter who is now, 15 years old!!!!! I have a timeline of photos on my bookcase at work from the 2nd day she was born until her 8th grade graduation and she hate those photos from 2nd grade because of her weight. I find myself continuously reminding her that no matter her weight, then and now (she have curves, OH MY!), she’s still beautiful:) We all are!
Thanks for sharing:) Best wishes…
Kea, I know that’s right! Love those chocolate girls! Thanks for reading, girl!
Kid are so “in the now” they can’t make the connection between that cute (mama thought) person and their emerging selves! Bet butterflies don’t remember that cocoon, either! I used tell my children (all grown now) I was holding those old pics to show to their girlfriends/boyfriends. Now i show them to my grandchildren–now there’s a disconnect! Love the blog, it’s full truth and wisdom, and smiles. Quite thought-provoking, as well. keep it going!
Thank you Judith for your response – I appreciate those encouraging words.
Tillie,
First let me say that I love your blog. It’s real, refreshing,convicting, and validating.Keep up the dialogue with Nirvana. if you don’t keep it real and open someone else will.. and maybe not for her good. One thing real parenting teaches us is that our role is multi-dimensional…nurturer, protector, spiritual adviser,counselor,teacher,mentor, provider, disciplinarian and ultimately friend.The attention..real attention..and quality time that we give to our children is mandated by God and invaluable to their development. The reward is phenomenal. Just look at Nirvana. Keep up the good work ,my sister !
Aw, thank you Sims! Your words touched my heart…and thank you for loving my blog!
You go girl explain that well.went through that with my kids they look at old pictures and talk about how they dressed. Lol i thought they were cute then yeah don’t get me wrong there beautiful now
Thanks, Sheila! Keep following girl.
Girl love it. Now I wished had a daughter also. Nothing like sharing. Great job!
I’m sure your son doesn’t wish that… 🙂
Tille,
The Afro puffs tho? You should have just called her Sealy: Isa a married now! I was just looking at a picture in which the mother was trying to live thru her daughter but unfortunately she was stuck in a time warp- The 1960’s!
Don’t get me wrong, My girl N has always had a body that I felt ws wasted on a child and should have been given to me because I I know what do with it. I am a little confused when you really digest it all. You had a Real Life Diva in your life, you didn’t learn anything regarding fashion? Lol. .
With all being said and done, she has turned into a beautiful and intelligent young woman who has made us all proud!
Hipps, you are sick! Yes, afro puffs (lol)! Why’d you have to pull out the slave tongue, but I thank you for commenting anyway. Keep following and commenting!